Consequences
by girlinabar
Summary: Songfic; Maxon finds out about Aspen, but he doesn't end the Selection immediately. America is heartbroken, so she writes a song to express how she feels.


_So I've had this idea for a while now, but was always hoping there'd be another fanfic that would capture how I was feeling about it. Although there were many that were amazing, I couldn't shake the feeling that I had to write this. I'm usually not a huge fan of songfics, but I felt that this song captured America's emotions perfectly (which could just be because I was listening to the album on repeat when I read the book). I'm not really sure if this is exactly how I wanted this to turn out, I started writing it at like 2 am because I couldn't go to sleep without starting it. I also had a similar story in mind where America sang Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift to Maxon (I've gotten into the habit of relating songs to Maxon and America, which is cute but also annoying because I want to write all these stories that would basically all be the same lol) (I also thought In My Blood by Shawn Mendes, aka my husband, would be a good song for Maxon)._

_Anyways, here's some context: Maxon found out about America and Aspen, but he doesn't end the selection, instead he keeps it going for a while, which leaves a tormented America wallowing in her sorrow. The end of The One never happens, no one dies._

_As always, all rights go to Kiera Cass, and Camila Cabello for the song (I got the lyrics from AZlyrics)._

_Hope you enjoy :)_

* * *

Watching Maxon walk away from me after telling me he couldn't forgive me for not telling him about Aspen my heart broke. I fell to the ground with my hand over my chest and sobbed silently. I felt like I was physically breaking inside. I had messed everything up, I'd ruined my one chance at being with the man I loved, and he was never, ever going to forgive me. He was going to marry Kriss and I'd be ancient history to him, disappearing into the shadows.

My sobs became stronger and deeper until it became hard to breathe. My maids found me just in time, they started fanning me and trying to make me breathe normally again, they even walked me on to my balcony so that the fresh air could help me breathe once again. Nothing helped. I collapsed on the floor of the balcony and just lay there, no effort to get back up. It could have been minutes or hours that I laid there, I didn't know nor care. My maids tried to get me to lay on the bed, to eat something, they even brought my favourite strawberry tarts in to try to entice me to eat something, nothing worked. Eventually they came with just a glass of water, "Miss you need to drink something," Lucy said softly, inching the glass closer to my face. "You need to rehydrate," Mary piped up. I was feeling particularly thirsty, probably from all the crying so I sat up a little and took the glass from Lucy to drink a little water. "Do you want us to get you ready for bed?" Anne asked, I shook my head slightly. I took another sip of the water and got up slightly and got into bed. My maids tucked me in, not asking any questions about what had happened. "You guys can go for tonight," I said almost inaudibly. My maids nodded and closed the blinds before leaving. I spent the rest of the evening in bed, unable to sleep, completely alone with my thoughts.

Over the next few days I didn't leave my bed much, I ate only when my maids forced me to, and only slept for one or two hours a night. The rest of the time I was left thinking over what had happened and what might be happening right now if events hadn't turned out the way they did. Apparently it was Friday, which meant I had to go on the Report. My maids dressed me in a lovely pale blue gown and clipped some of my hair back. They did my makeup as naturally as possible, but I did notice they had to work a bit harder to make me look alive. I looked amazing, as always thanks to my maids, but I didn't feel the same inside. I practiced smiling in the mirror, but it was far from reaching my eyes. I felt like a phony. My maids pushed me out to the Report with some encouraging words, and then I was all alone. I felt my stomach turn.

I sat at the end of the row, next to Elise. Elise was good, Elise wouldn't try to ask any questions. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Celeste turn to look at me and give me a one over, even Queen Amberly gave me a worried glance. I stared straight ahead the entire time, not paying any attention to what was happening around me. I was suddenly aware that someone was laughing; it was Kriss laughing at something Maxon had said. I felt a lump form in my throat and bit my lip to stop myself from crying. The Report couldn't have finished fast enough, I was desperate to get back to my room. It appeared that luck wasn't on my side, however, as Celeste quickly grabbed my hand once I stood up and asked if I was okay. I nodded and made up some excuse saying I wasn't feeling well, but out of the corner of my eye I could see Maxon and Kriss talking and laughing. I felt like I was going to throw up. I quickly left Celeste and ran back up to my room.

I knew there was no hope that Maxon would come to my room, as had become our tradition after the Report, so instead I got straight into bed. I dismissed my maids as soon as I entered my room, telling them I could prepare myself for bed and that they should get some rest, as I intended to do. After getting ready for bed and laying staring at the ceiling for a few hours, I started to feel restless. I got out of bed and just stood there for a minute, not sure of what I actually wanted to do. My eyes eventually landed on the piano. I sat on the stool and placed my hands on the keys, I didn't have the effort to play anything so I just messed around playing random notes. I don't know how long I was playing the piano for, but the next thing I knew my maids were waking me up. "Did you have a long night playing miss?" Lucy asked, "I guess I did," I replied groggily. Sitting at the piano had brought me some kind of peace, so I decided to spend the day out of bed. I spoke a bit more that day, I actually replied to my maids when they asked me something instead of just nodding or shrugging. They stayed with me today, trying to keep me busy. We played a few card games and braided each other's hair. They never asked me any questions, they probably figured out what had happened by now. We sat in silence or a few moments before Mary suggested I play something on the piano. I agreed after Lucy started begging me, and sat on the bench thinking of something to play. I played the keys that came to mind, not paying much attention to whether or not they sounded good together. Eventually I started singing, nothing in particular, just what was on my mind. My maids all applauded once I was done and assured me it was an excellent song. I smiled and insisted they eat dinner with me, they agreed, probably so that I would finally eat something proper. They stayed with me a while after dinner, but I then insisted they go to bed so they could get some sleep. I didn't sleep that night, instead I sang and played the piano all night, culminating in a song I didn't know I had in me. Once I had finished fine tuning the song I felt much better, freer, like a bit of a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

After breakfast I decided it was finally time to spend some time outside my room. I went to the women's room to show my face, I didn't have anything to say to the other girls, it was more to have a change of scenery. I sat on a sofa in the corner and read a book. Soon after Celeste took me out to have a walk and a discussion. "What's going on America, what happened?" She asked once we were outside. I took a deep breath before answering, "I screwed up Celeste, really badly," I gulped, trying to swallow down my tears. Celeste hugged and soothed me, trying to comfort me. "I don't want to cry," I said shakily, "I've only just stopped, and it took a miracle to get me to stop, so can we change the subject please?" I asked after we both pulled away from our embrace. Celeste nodded and started talking about something or other. I had a good time with her, she managed to take my mind off of him for a while. She forced me to eat dinner with everyone, and whilst the food looked and smelled good, the sight of Maxon and Kriss put me off food altogether.

The next day Celeste dragged me out of my room once more, she decided to spare putting me through the hell of eating breakfast with everyone which was a major relief. We found ourselves in the library and I ended up telling her about the song I had written. Of course this meant I had to play it for her, a request to which i eventually relented as I thought it would make me feel better. So I sat down at the piano that was in the middle of the room and with a deep breath, began to play.

_Dirty tissues, trust issues  
Glasses on the sink, they didn't fix you  
Lonely pillows in a stranger's bed  
Little voices in my head_

_Secret keeping, stop the bleeding  
Lost a little weight because I wasn't eating  
All the souls that I can't listen to,  
To tell the truth_

_Loving you was young, and wild, and free  
Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet  
Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound  
A steady place to let down my defenses  
But loving you had consequences_

_Hesitation, awkward conversation  
Running on low expectation  
Every siren that I was ignoring  
I'm paying for it_

_Loving you was young, and wild, and free  
Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet  
Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound  
A steady place to let down my defenses  
But loving you had consequences_

_No, ooh-ooh-ooh  
Said no, ooh-ooh-ooh  
I, no, ooh-ooh-ooh, mhm_

_Loving you was dumb, dark and cheap  
Loving you will still takes shots at me  
From loving you was sunshine, but then it poured  
And I lost so much more than my senses  
'Cause loving you had consequences_

_Loving you_

I wiped away my tears as I finished the song. I had poured my everything into that song and it showed. I was completely oblivious to my surroundings whilst singing it, I became lost in a world where it was just me and the piano and nothing else existed. It was bliss. I then realised that Celeste was still standing there and tried to compose myself. "That was amazing," she said smiling. I gave her a small smile and thanked her.

A while later I retired to my room for a quick nap. I wasn't in my room for long before there was a quick knock on my door and someone entered. I sat up in my bed looking confused, when I saw who it was I quickly got out of bed and curtsied, "Your Highness," I said politely. Maxon waved his hand dismissively at me, barely even acknowledging I had said anything, "play me your song." He demanded. "W-what?" I asked confused, did Celeste tell him I'd written a song about him? No, she wouldn't have. "The song you played for Celeste, play it for me," he looked and sounded annoyed, infuriated even, like the conversation was taking too long. I was a bit taken aback, but I nevertheless nodded hastily, mumbled a quiet "yes Your Highness" and made my way over to the piano.

I looked at him as I sang, and once I was done I tried to discreetly wipe away the tears that had fallen down my face. "Is that song about me or him?" He asked abruptly. I looked down and fidgeted with my dress before I answered him. "You," I replied softly. He was silent for a few minutes and my heart sank, he was going to finally put me out of my misery and send me home. "I was hoping you would say that," he said before taking a few long strides over to me and kissing me. I didn't kiss him back, I was confused. What had just happened? I didn't want to get my hopes up only for him to tell me he was still sending me home and that he'd already made his decision. He pulled back, seeing how hesitant I was. "What's wrong?" He asks, looking concerned. I look down, unable to look him in the eye, "I thought I was going home," I said quietly, "I thought you'd never forgive me and you'd marry Kriss and forget about me." Maxon cupped my face and lifted it up so I was looking him in the eyes, "I've been so foolish America," I looked at him quizzically, "I thought you were just playing me, but listening to that song, I can see that your feelings for me truly are real. I should've given you the chance to explain, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me America, there's a reason I didn't end the selection after our argument, I needed to see you again before it was over. But when you didn't show up for meals, and then when I saw you at the Report my heart broke. I didn't care that you had hurt me, it hurt me more seeing you like that. I went to the library earlier to think about how I could fix things between us, and when I heard your song my heart broke even more. I didn't want to let myself believe it was about me, which was why I came to your room. Oh, America, I'm so sorry, can you ever forgive me?" I don't know what came over me but I broke out in tears, full on sobbing. "I don't deserve you Maxon," I put my face in my hands and wiped away some of the tears, "how is it that I was the one who broke us and yet you're the one apologising? You deserve someone so much better than me, someone who won't mess things up like I did." I was going to continue but Maxon shushed me, "I deserve exactly you America, you're so kind and thoughtful. You're passionate, and smart, and beautiful. We've both done things we regret, but I think we should put them behind us and move forward." He wiped my tears away with his thumbs before taking my hand and going on one knee. "America, from the moment I met you I was blown away by you. No one has ever made me feel the way you do, and no one ever will. Let me spend the rest of my life treating you like the queen you are, let me marry you my dearest America, please." I was speechless, I put the hand that Maxon wasn't holding over my mouth and nodded, a new wave of tears reaching my eyes. "Yes, Maxon, a thousand times yes," Maxon stood up and we shared a kiss that was full of only love and happiness. "I don't actually have the ring with me," Maxon said awkwardly after we ended the kiss. I laughed pulled him close so that our foreheads were touching, "I don't need a ring, Maxon, all I ever need is you." He smiled and pulled me in for another long kiss.


End file.
